Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
