Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
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How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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