you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
