I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
