I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
