i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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