I'm so fucking centered right now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
