90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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