dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
