I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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