You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
