I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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