you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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