I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
