Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
