Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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