this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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