Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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