I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
