Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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