I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
