He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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