time to smoke my breakfast
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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