I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
