I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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