i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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