This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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