she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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