how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
