So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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