just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its not stalking. its research.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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