addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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