At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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