so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
