for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
time to smoke my breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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