don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
