This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
