dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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