Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
