I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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