i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
