he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
