This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
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So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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