I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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