Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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