Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I looked at my own cervix.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
