i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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