I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize