new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you mean i was at the winter classic?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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