would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
