Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
