just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
