The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
