does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
