i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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