Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
