My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize