My friends, they love my intelligence
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
