so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
