Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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