You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize