C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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