I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
