That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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