Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
