Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
