Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
