God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
