and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
