I think im going to throw up on grandma
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
