My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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