yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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