been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
