I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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