Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
